Some people are harder to love than others. Some people are harder to like than others. Some people are just so easy to dismiss from our lives. That’s true for all of us.
But here’s the catch:
Jesus calls us to love everyone and to value others above ourselves.
All others.
Even those outside what has been called our “moral circle.”
The Moral Circle
According to Richard Beck, “we psychologically draw a circle around a group of people whom we identify as ‘my kind,’ ‘my tribe,’ ‘my clan,’ ‘my family.’ This circle is initially populated with family members, but as we grow the circle includes more and more non-biological relations, ‘friends’ who are ‘like family to us.’ Once you are admitted into this moral space, affection and warmth flow naturally and instinctively.”
Here’s a two-minute video that illustrates the concept of the moral circle at work in our lives:
Although we naturally create those limiting circles, we’re drawing the very boundaries that Jesus crossed and asks us to cross as well.
Jesus, in fact, crossed the boundary between heaven and earth in order to save a rebellious and cantankerous humanity, and once here, he drew a circle so big that it included everyone as his friend and neighbor.
What Did a Big Circle of Friendship Cost Jesus?
Not everyone wanted or wants to be part of Jesus’ circle or to return his love. Not everyone wants God in their own circle. But that didn’t and doesn’t stop Jesus from loving them.
Instead, the Son of God humbled himself “by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” Jesus “did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing … and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself.”
God humbled himself. For me. For me! For petty me, for insecure me, for envious me, for over-sensitive me, for unloving me, for critical me, for self-seeking me.
It is when I am overwhelmed by the humility of God toward me that I am able to see myself before God most clearly and then to humble myself as well.
That humility always results in my seeing others as Jesus sees them—so valuable that he humbled himself before them. As he is valuing me, always with great love and affection, I know that I must also be willing to value others in that way. I must give up my right to be better than someone else. I must learn, in humility, to value others above myself.
Should We Value Those Who Don’t Value Us?
But, Jesus, we might say, “Do I value—above me—those who don’t value me?”
“I did, and I’m God, the one worthy of worship from all of creation,” Jesus might respond. So yes, we must as well. How can we refuse to humble ourselves when Jesus has so humbled himself before us and given himself completely to us?
But wait, you say. Jesus was God, so it must have been easy for him to do the right thing.
Really? Do not forget that Jesus was wholly God but also wholly human, with all of the emotions that come with being a person. Jesus grieved, Jesus wept, Jesus hurt, Jesus felt betrayal and rejection.
Jesus knows what a difficult time human beings have valuing and loving those who aren’t easy for us to value and love.
But What About So-and-So?
You may wonder how to continually humble yourself before someone—your boss, a neighbor, a colleague, or a not-distant-enough relative—when you just get so tired of their perceived attitude toward you? How do you come to love—and value— those outside your circle who treat you with contempt?
You draw your circle bigger. You invite them into your circle.
When Jesus told us that we must even bring our enemies into our circle, he wasn’t saying that we could just decide to love and value them—and voila—there it is! Rather, it is only through the power of his Holy Spirit that we can do so!
A beginning step might look like this: “Father, I pray for your Spirit to create in me a willingness to love and value so-and-so.” As the Holy Spirit works in you, you may find that he helps you better understand so-and-so and also yourself. There may also be opportunities in which you can perform small acts of love as prompted by the Spirit. At some point, you may discover that being around so-and-so is not as difficult as it once was.
Perhaps so-and-so may begin to treat you better. Perhaps you’ll discover that you’re becoming more like the human being God has called you to be. Perhaps your soul will become more at peace. Perhaps you’ll realize God’s strength is your strength. Perhaps what once annoyed you about them will seem trivial.
Because even if they don’t change, you will.
In the Spirit’s power and in your response to Jesus’ own humility, you will have generously grown your circle of friendship to include them. The circle of love between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit that first invited you is now the circle into which you now invite others.
Just as a big circle of friendship was costly to Jesus, it also exacts a price from us. We must sacrifice our self-interests and selfish attitudes. As you keep enlarging your circle, however, you’ll find your heart increases along with it—and your life becomes the one you are meant to live.