One morning many years ago when I was a new believer, I was at my desk, surrounded by theology books and notebooks, deep into writing about God. The house was quiet. I felt so focused.

Then the phone rang. I remember sighing as I reached for it, thinking of it as an interruption to my “God-Work.” A new friend was on the line, needing someone to listen. As I hung up after praying with her, I had a scary thought: Was my “holy production” more important to me than the people whom God brought into my life?

It was time for some serious reflection. First, I protested. “God, I study your Word every day. I’m sharing what I learn. Isn’t that a good thing?” Then God brought to my mind the Pharisees. They memorized books of Scripture, prayed five times a day, tithed faithfully, and gave to the poor. Yet they didn’t delight in people or love those who seemed unworthy.

But Jesus never separated His love for the Father from His love for people, whether he talked to a woman at a well, a fisherman by the sea, a rich, young ruler, or even a Pharisee at night. He summed up the entire Law as “love God, love others” (Matthew 22:37–40).

The Painful Truth

I was horrified when I realized my pharisaical tendencies. I loved people, didn’t I?

At the time, I didn’t understand the difference between learning about God and actually knowing Him in an intimate relationship. I was a list-maker, a speed reader, a doer, a longtime overachiever with an overactive work ethic.

I may have looked spiritual and impressive from the outside, but I wasn’t spending time with my Father. I was researching God.

Experiencing God’s Love

Think for a moment about a child loved by her father. Surely that child doesn’t spend her time reading books written about her father or studying his habits or learning a list of his best qualities. Never! Instead, she spends her time with her father so that He can love her and she can know His love and return it.

In the same way, we know our Father’s love through our time with him.

There’s a difference between reading the Bible to learn about God and reading it as a love letter from God. Both are important, and neither can be neglected. But I knew myself only as a saved sinner, not as God’s beloved.

It slowly came over me that while I had been busy about God’s work, I had been too busy for God Himself. He began to teach me that my doing had to come out of my being in His presence. My love for others had to come out of that love relationship.

My Transformation

My spiritual journey since then has been one in which I have pursued an authentic relationship with my loving Father and know His love. As a result, I am filled with love for others. My prayers are as constant and natural as a child to a father. As God has become the focus of my existence, He has revealed Himself to me again and again in ways that continually strengthen my faith and our relationship.

He has also changed the way I view myself. I used to hear the world shout, “You are what you produce. You are how well liked you are. You are how well known you are.”

Now I hear, “You are my beloved daughter.” God showed me that my worth is in Christ, not what I do, freeing me from self-focus and enabling me to be fully present with others. Self-focus makes us turn inward. But when we live out of God’s presence, we turn outward in love.

Let us never question if we’re doing enough for God. Instead, let’s ask ourselves this:

“Am I living in His love so deeply that others experience His love through me?”