In Jesus’ parable about a father and his two sons (Luke 15:11-32), there are two other brothers, hiding in darkness: Shame and Pride. They are the unwelcome and sometimes unacknowledged guests in the parable’s family, where God is pictured as a father who loves both sons unreservedly and unconditionally.

The older son is resentful of the father’s extravagant love for his brother. How could his father celebrate the return of the son who had earlier left home for wild, wasteful living? His brother had even demanded his inheritance before the death of their father.

Therefore, the older refuses His father’s invitation to his brother’s party, choosing his own self-righteousness over his father’s love.

In contrast, the younger son feels unworthy of his father’s love because he is so ashamed of his reckless, prodigal actions.

One brother full of pride, the other filled with shame.

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Why We Gravitate Toward Shame and Pride

So here’s the question: Why would anyone hold on to shame or pride when they separate us from our Father’s love?

The answer is the same for both: fearful distrust of the Father’s heart.

Shame believes it deserves rejection, not love. It shows up when we believe God’s love isn’t big enough to forgive our mistakes.

Pride believes it wants approval and accolades, not love. It shows up when we believe God’s love threatens our self-made identity.

Although they may seem to be unrelated, shame and pride both hail from the family of distorted identities. We may not even realize the extent of shame and pride in our lives and how they distort our sense of self. We hide the shame and rationalize the pride.

We are God’s beloved, and we are to see ourselves through His eyes—as the redeemed with a future, not as the sinner with a past.

The Truth About the Father’s Heart

We read in 1 John 4:16 that God is love. Because of Jesus, God’s love never turns us away, never condemns us, never compares us. Without rejection, condemnation, and rivalry, shame and pride lose their place in our lives. They live in the darkness and can’t survive the light of God’s love.

That love is so generous that it includes a new identity for us, one imaged in God, an identity that is welcomed, affirmed, and secured.

Because our identity is in Christ, we cannot be defined by any previous narrative we have embraced. Pride and shame have no place in the image of God. We can trust that God loves us and enables us to live without hiding in shame or propping ourselves up in pride.

God calls us to live fully in His identity as His child, made in His image, with an inheritance He has guaranteed through the death of His own Son.

We are God’s beloved, and we are to see ourselves through His eyes—as the redeemed with a future, not as the sinner with a past.

Like the father in the parable, God celebrates our God-given identity and status with a party. He strips off our old, torn, foul-smelling clothes and covers us with His best robe, outfits us with footwear that signifies we’re part of His family, and gives us a signet ring of legal authority.

Ready to Celebrate?

Can you hear the music and dancing? God is running toward you, showing you that His love is bigger than any fear and mistrust that you drag behind you. If you’re still suffering from shame or pride, or both, isn’t it time to kick them to the curb and fully trust the Father’s heart?

Below you’ll find a short self-check. If you believe that a statement describes you, renew your thinking about God’s great love for you. Then bring distortions into God’s light and love—and walk in freedom from shame and pride.

Am I carrying shame?

1. I often assume God is disappointed with me.
2. I rehearse apologies in my head more than I talk honestly to God.
3. I avoid people who know my story; secrecy feels safer than being known
4. Compliments or grace feel uncomfortable—I try to “pay them back.”
5. I’m reluctant to serve because I don’t feel worthy.
6. My failures feel like my identity, not just my mistakes.

Am I propping up myself in pride?

1. I keep a quiet scorecard of what I’ve done (and what others haven’t).
2. Someone else’s win makes me feel smaller or overlooked.
3. I feel more comfortable serving God than being with God.
4. I struggle to apologize without explaining or defending.
5. I think blessings prove I’m doing better than others.
6. I find it hard to celebrate mercy given to people I don’t think “deserve” it.

Remember, if you believe that a statement describes you, renew your thinking about God’s great love for you. Then bring distortions into God’s light and love—and walk in freedom from shame and pride.

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