The Step Forward—and the Step Back

We may assume that once we say yes to God, the path will get easier. For Jacob, his yes was immediately met with the news of 400 armed men.

Jacob had spent most of his life running.

He ran after blessing, grasping it through deception. He ran from consequences, fleeing his twin brother’s rage. He ran from the past he couldn’t undo.

Even so, twenty years later, Jacob has a family, servants, flocks, and incredible wealth. Yet, despite his success, he has unfinished business that God wants him to face. In a dream, God tells Jacob, “Return to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you” (Genesis 31:3).

Jacob knows exactly what returning means. It means facing Esau—the brother he cheated, manipulated, and left behind. The last words Jacob heard from Esau were a death threat.

Trusting God When You’re Afraid

Even though Jacob is afraid, he chooses to finally stop running and sends servants to tell Esau that he is coming home. When his messengers return, however, they carry a chilling message:

“We came to your brother Esau, and he also is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him” (Genesis 32:6).

Jacob is terrified. He prays for deliverance, reminding God of His earlier promises to make Jacob’s descendants as numerous as the dust and to be with him wherever he goes (Genesis 28). He prepares gifts for Esau, splitting his camp in case the worst happens. And the night before he meets Esau, Jacob wrestles with God until daybreak, walking away with a limp and a new name, Israel.

Trusting God in the Moment

This is Jacob’s bold moment. He trusts in God even though fear is still very much alive. In an act of radical vulnerability, he goes to meet Esau ahead of his family.

Every step he takes toward the brother who once wanted him dead is marked by a pronounced limp—a physical reminder of the night he wrestled with God.

Jacob bows seven times, placing himself first, exposed and defenseless, before the 400 armed men. And then, the unexpected: Esau runs to him and embraces him, kissing him and weeping. Can you imagine the relief Jacob felt as he realized that God had been trustworthy even when Jacob was at his most broken?

When Old Patterns Resurface

However, the “new man” Israel still carries the “old man” Jacob. After their reconciliation, Esau offers to travel together. Jacob politely declines, explaining that the children and animals need to move slowly and that he will follow Esau to Seir.

But Jacob never goes to Seir. He turns his flocks toward Succoth instead. Even after a divine encounter and a miraculous reconciliation, Jacob falls back into his default setting: deception as a defense mechanism. It’s a sobering reminder that a bold moment of faith is a victory, but the journey of transformation is a process of unlearning old ways.

A Story We Recognize

One step forward, two steps backward, a familiar story for all of us. Jacob returns to his pattern of indirectness and even deception. After parting with his brother, Jacob settles first in Succoth and later in Shechem, a crossroads of trade that must have looked like “good business” to Jacob. But in Shechem, devastating events unfold: Jacob’s daughter is raped, and the severe, violent actions of his sons place his entire household in danger.

God’s Faithfulness

Jacob’s story reminds us that our bold moments are rarely neat and complete. Trust can be real even when it is still growing, though. We may take a bold step toward God only to fall back into familiar patterns.

Jacob’s story does not end in Shechem, however. God calls him back to Bethel, the place where God reaffirmed His covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The limp remains, but so does the covenant. And the God who met Jacob when he was running is the same God who meets him when he returns.

That same faithful God waits for us, always ready to welcome us home.

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