Speaking of failure may be a strange way to begin a new year.
But it’s something that I think about a lot (intentionally) as well as practice regularly (not so intentionally).
Although my continual prayer is that I love God and also love others, in all things and at all times, I am always just one breath away from failing.
Sometimes I fail to do something good, and sometimes I fail to keep from doing something bad. For example, when I have a chance to help someone, will I turn from or to that person? When I hear someone say something I don’t like, will I respond in kind—or will I respond in kindness?
Recognizing My Failure Triggers
Over my years of walking with Jesus, I’ve come to recognize the two primary triggers to my failures—fear and hurt. When fear rises up in me, my go-to reaction is to retreat and even give up. When I’m hurt by the attitudes or words of others, I want to withdraw and nurse my wounds.
Whether the stimulus is fear or hurt, however, my failure comes when I put guarding myself ahead of giving of myself. It comes when I’m afraid to keep trying because I might be criticized or unappreciated. It comes when I put my own needs above the needs of others, even others who haven’t been kind to or thoughtful of me.
My failures are always failures at love—I put protecting myself ahead of loving others.
Remembering How Jesus Loves
When these failures come, there is only one way for me to start again. I remember how Jesus loves, no matter the circumstances. Jesus made the world, and the world did not even recognize him (John 1:10):
- His family thought something was wrong with him.
- Even his closest friends didn’t know him or his purpose.
- When Jesus was doing good for others, leaders said he did what he did through the power of evil.
- His motives were continually called into question.
- He was continually disrespected by those who thought they were superior.
- When he was exhausted and needed time with his own father, people didn’t care and just wanted their own needs met.
- When someone showed him love, he was told he didn’t deserve it and that others should have had what was given to him.
- When he spoke truth, he was accused of being mistaken, even by his friends.
- At times his friends acted as if they were with him for what they could get out of the relationship.
- When he needed his friends to pray for him during his greatest time of pain, they slept.
- When he knew his death was approaching, his closest friends betrayed him, ran from him, or said they didn’t know him.
Jesus could have said, “Don’t you know that I’m your creator and sustainer? Why should I put up with your shameful behavior?” Instead, the Son of God unequivocally loved those causing him harm and those standing in the way of his mission. He “did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing” (Philippians 2:6-7).
Jesus made himself nothing because of his love for us! Jesus didn’t protect himself. He could have called the armies of heaven to protect him as well. Rather, he put loving me ahead of concern for himself. He made himself nothing for me. For me! For petty me, for insecure me, for over-sensitive me, for unloving me, for critical me, for selfish me.
I am overcome by the love of Jesus.
Loving Because I Am Loved
It is only then that I become so filled with the love of God that I can choose loving others over protecting myself. Because I know God’s love, I am able to unequivocally love others.
So in my times of failure, I go to Jesus and allow him to wrap his arms around me. I feel his arms stretched out in love for me. I feel the wounds in his hands from the nails driven into them on the cross. I see the love in his eyes and am filled with the kind of love that becomes my defense against all fear and hurt.
Even though there is little right in this world, all is right when I rest in the love of Jesus.
And when fear and hurt return in attack, as they will, I will again raise the shield of love from the one who loves me—and you.
As you and I wrestle with failures of love in this coming year, may we remember God’s call that we value others above ourselves.
Let us love well because we are well-loved.