How Do You Handle Your Disappointment?

Do you carry a list of disappointments around with you?

• By this time in my life, I thought I ….
• I never thought a friend would …
• I really believed I would be able to ….
• I always expected that my marriage ….
• My career seems less ….
• No matter how I seem to try ….

I’m sure you can fill in the blanks for all or several of these sentence starters. You might even agree with me that life often seems to dish out more disappointments than satisfaction. In fact, I would suggest life is only truly satisfying when we can keep our disappointments from turning into monsters that consume us, into depression that overwhelms us.

I’m not always so good at dealing with disappointments. But I’ve struggled through enough of them that I have improved at handling them. I even created an acronym so I can remember the process: HUGS.

1. Remember Your HOPE

Sometimes I get so involved in my disappointment that I lose sight of what really matters in this world–the hope we have in Jesus, who loves us and will make all things right one day. As Martin Luther King Jr. reminds us, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”

As I reflect on the truths of God’s word that are stored in my heart, hope always leaps into my soul again. If you don’t have a hope-filled verse, here’s my favorite passage, written by the very disciple who learned much about disappointment from Jesus:

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:3-7 NLT

(Also check out Top 10 Verses to Pray to Overcome Disappointment.)

2. UNTANGLE Your Thoughts

The more I think about the person (including myself) or circumstance that has disappointed me, the darker, larger, and more unrealistic my thoughts become. Almost always, I need need to resize my expectations. And I always need to look at my disappointment from the perspective of love–how God loves me and how I am called to love.

3. Focus on What’s GOOD in Your Life

Gratitude for what I have–and I have so much good in my life–always lifts my spirits. As I count my blessings, sometimes naming one for each letter of the alphabet, they envelope my disappointment in God’s goodness.

4. SPEND Some Time Doing What You Enjoy

Disappointment wants to overshadow every joy in my life. Instead, I must choose to do something that brings me joy, whether it’s getting out the board games or hiding away with a book.

Life is only truly satisfying when we can keep our disappointments from turning into monsters that consume us, into depression that overwhelms us.

Getting Ready for Major Disappointments

My disappointments were trivial when I was younger, but as I grew older, they were more than I could handle. Yes, you hear people say, “God will never give you more than you can bear,” but that’s conventional wisdom, not scriptural truth.

Just read about Paul’s experiences. In writing to the Corinthians, he said, “For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself” (2 Corinthians 1:8).

And then Paul explains that when we’re out of our own strength, that’s when God is our hope. And sometimes we experience disappointments as a reminder not to rely on ourselves but to put our hope in God.

Therefore, we’ve got to be ready for deep and dark disappointments–and we can only do that by exercising our faith regularly. You can’t just keep faith in your pocket and expect it to help when you pull it for emergencies. You’ve got to spend time building your relationship with Jesus and walking with him. As Paul writes in 1 Timothy, “Exercise daily in God—no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever (4:8 MSG).

No matter our circumstances, may we always remember that God has called us to walk in the light–not to get stuck in the darkness of our disappointments.